Jerry, you need to find god
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
