It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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