Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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