based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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