Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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