Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
