My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
