would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
