i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
