So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
