y did u give ur computer a hand job?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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