John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
