Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
