If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
