You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
