is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
