Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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