Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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