When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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