Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
