Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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