when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
