ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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