Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
