chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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