I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
