fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
