all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
