direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
