come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
