I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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