matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize