I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
