i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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