mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's like iHOP with fire
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
