She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
