Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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