false alarm. still invincible.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
