My Higher Power is John Stamos
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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