After last night, I could never be a politician.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
