and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
