a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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