I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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