I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
