I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
