i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
