we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
