You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
