he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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