well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
