It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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