This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My Higher Power is John Stamos
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
