We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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